Turkey for one, please. Thanks!
The week leading up to Thanksgiving was extremely hard for me. I don’t give a fuck about Thanksgiving as a holiday, but the last couple of years I’ve loved running a Turkey Trot in the morning, taking a long nap and then enjoying a delicious meal with my family.
This hasn’t always been a day I looked forward to. For years I dreaded how I would be asked why I didn’t want seconds, or why I didn’t want thirds, judged on the portions I had on my plate, or the worst of them all: the year I was a vegetarian. I was ridiculed for weeks leading up to the day that I compromised my own boundaries to not be asked, yet again, where I was getting my protein. I ended up with a small serving of turkey on my plate that year and have regretted it every day since. (Pro tip: if anyone you know is adhering to any diet for any reason, don’t suddenly become a nutritionist and offer unsolicited advice.)
The last two years have been fun and casual. We gathered around Brent and Susie’s table and enjoyed the company of one another. No one made a comment about anyone else's plate, or what they were or were not eating. If you didn’t want something, no one said a damn thing.
I took notes from the last two years on how I would want my home to be if I ever hosted a holiday, a big dinner or a party. I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and look back on great memories they made.
This year, I had every intention of going back to Susie’s for the holiday. However, the closer we got to November, the increase in COVID-19 cases rose. I declined the offer despite the promise of eating outside and other precautions to ensure we were all being as safe as possible.
Instead of sulking about missing the day I’d grown to love with family, I planned a turkey day feast for one. I was so excited but I didn’t get my hopes up too much, because I know that I often have grandiose expectations and I didn’t want to disappoint myself.
First things first, I had to build a spreadsheet. No big event can be complete without a spreadsheet. I wanted to keep all the cooking methods, cooking times and notes together to prevent me from living off Pinterest all day. My turkey day meal would consist of air fried turkey thighs, potatoes au gratin, broccoli and cauliflower au gratin, GBC (green bean casserole for normies) and rolls, followed by single serve apple pie bites and a single serve ramekin pumpkin pie. I completed my spreadsheet the night before and went to bed early to get ready for the big day.
3:30am: I woke-up and despite the darkness outside, I was ready to conquer the day. I brushed my teeth and filled my water bottle before realizing that it was 3:30am and I could have gone back to sleep. I ended up logging into Animal Crossing to get some chores done on my isle of La Croix. Not much could be done since the game respawns everything at 5am. I ended up going back to bed shortly after that disappointment.
8am: I woke-up again to some text messages that I have still forgotten to reply to. I checked in with my sister who I had plans to meet-up with for a loop around the Rose Bowl. I walked the dogs and then hopped onto social media. Instantly, I noticed that I was the only person who had not prepared my desserts the night before. I had a tiny panic attack and opened my spreadsheet. If I was home by 12:30pm, I would walk the dogs before 1pm and start my meal prepping. I never liked eating at 2pm anyway so 5–6pm was more idealistic.
I could no longer find the ramekin pumpkin pie recipe so I decided to switch it up to a pumpkin cheesecake pie. This would be the first thing I prepped, since it needed one hour to cool and four hours to chill before serving. “Perfect,” I said to myself in satisfaction.
10am: I headed to the Rose Bowl and realized I’d basically set us up for a mini super spreader event. It was packed! My sister was cool as a cucumber, as always, and we walked counter clock like all the signs said we should to avoid face to face contact with others. We only encountered one person not wearing a mask and they stayed the hell away from everyone.
12:30pm: I got home, walked the dogs and pre-heated my tiny oven that was about to do the lord’s work for the next four to five hours.
1pm: Right on schedule I started my pumpkin cheesecake pie. It was layered with the crust on the bottom, a layer of cheesecake mix and then topped with the pumpkin mix. Everything was made from scratch, except the crust because there’s only so much time in a day.
The potatoes and broccoli/cauliflower au gratins were each frozen from Trader Joes, so there wasn’t much prep for either of them. I took them out of the freezer and let them thaw a bit, despite the packages saying not to do that, so they might cook quicker and more thoroughly.
1:45pm: I took my beloved pumpkin cheesecake pie out and left it to cool for one hour on the counter. I popped in the potatoes au gratin and started the GBC prep. The first time I had GBC, I ended up being sent home with all of the leftovers because I couldn’t stop talking about it all night. The next year, I tried to make it and I realized there was mushrooms in it and I wanted nothing to do with it. Mushrooms taste like nothing to me, but I cannot stomach the texture. While it had been years since I enjoyed a delicious GBC, I decided I would puree the cream of mushroom soup before making my own this year. A normal person wouldn’t be able to taste the tiny chunks of mushrooms, but consider this a weird super-taster quirk of mine.
I pureed the cream of mushroom and started to drain the five cans of green beans. It was around 2:05pm when my can opener broke. It had been on the fritz for a while but it completely stopped working and started chewing the metal like a cartoon. I texted my neighbor who said I could borrow hers; a true hero.
Once I had all the ingredients opened and mixed, I realized that I may have “pureed” any texture that this casserole dish was supposed to have. It was really runny. Also, the recipe called for one teaspoon of soy sauce and zero salt. I don’t keep soy sauce in the house because I prefer ponzu sauce instead, but luckily I had ordered Chinese food a few weeks back and had a packet lying around. I was really confused on how this was all going to come together. I poured everything into “Ashley’s Kickasserole” dish and set it aside.
2:20pm: I popped open a can of black olives and placed them in a small serving dish, the way a host usually does. Why are there always olives on the table before a big dinner? Does everyone do this? I was pleased as punch with my hosting skills and excited to snack on the large pearls of salty goodness throughout the day.
I took the potatoes out and they looked absolutely incredible and smelled like heaven. I put the GBC kickasserole in the oven and took a photo to send to my friend, Tofutti.
The story behind this dish was actually a meme that Tofutti sent me, early on in the pandemic. The meme was simply a photo of someone who found a Karen’s Kickasserole dish as a thrift shop. She ended up custom ordering me one and it is the greatest gift I have ever received.
After 25 minutes, I was supposed to add my parmesan bread crumbs for the last 5 minutes but the casserole was still very runny. I added the dry bread crumbs and naively hoped that this might help settle the dish in five minutes. After the five minutes was up, I was a little annoyed (at myself for pureeing the cream of mushroom) and stirred the breadcrumbs into the dish. I place the kickasserole back in the oven for 10 more minutes.
After 45 minutes total, my dish finally had the consistency of a true GBC, or any casserole for that matter. The recipe had offered the breadcrumbs as an alternate option to the typical fried onions, and now I was very glad I had those breadcrumbs to thicken my dish.
During this time, I was going to prepare my apple pie bites so they would be ready to bake while I was eating dinner. I was disappointed when I unwrapped the pie crust and it broke into a million tiny pieces. With my head on a swivel, I quickly changed gears to prepare a dutch apple pie. I had all the accoutrements and the prep was actually easier. All I wanted was something with apples that I could drizzle caramel sauce onto and top it with some hand harvested sea salt.
3:30pm: I placed the broccoli/cauliflower au gratin in the oven and started getting ready for the family photo. The broc gratin was going to take the longest so I had planned on using this time to get everyone prepared. I put on make-up for the first time in weeks, I straightened my hair and I put on a dress before I brushed both of the dogs. They were tired from begging and getting absolutely nothing so they were pretty grumpy.
I set up the tripod and found the perfect spot via trial and error. I used the timer on my iPhone and a bluetooth remote to take the photos. The last of the day light was peaking through my living room blinds and created just enough natural light to complete a great photo. I wish I could make my dogs smile but even when she is the happiest, Arya still looks like a little grump.
4:15pm: I changed back into real clothes (athleisure) and proceeded to finish preparing and cooking my meal. Once the broc gratin was done, I realized that it wasn’t done. It was still ice cold in the middle. The fuckery. I stirred it and threw it back in the oven for ten more minutes.
4:50pm(ish): The broc gratin was finally cooked through so I plopped some buttermilk rolls on a baking sheet and set the timer for 11 minutes. I quickly sprayed my turkey thighs with olive oil and rubbed some kickin’ chicken spice all over. I placed them skin side down in the air-fryer for 10 minutes.
When both timers went off, I took the rolls out and set the oven to 200 degrees. I figured I could keep everything back in the oven for 20–30 minutes while I walked the dogs one more time and let the turkey cook for the last 15 minutes, skin side up.
5:05pm: I took the dogs out and internally hyped myself up for the best home cooked meal I had ever prepared.
5:30pm: With all my sides warm from the oven and the turkey finally cooling down from the air-fryer, I served myself. I buttered a roll, took a scoop of potatoes au gratin, a smaller scoop of the broc gratin (I was suspect after it didn’t cook correctly), two giant scoops of GBC and then plopped a turkey thigh on the only place left on the plate. I poured myself some non-alcoholic champagne because it seemed like the right occasion to celebrate myself.
I glanced down at the bounty on my plate and was unbelievably grateful for all the work I had put in to making this happen. Before I let myself get emotional, I took the first few bites. The GBC was definitely under salted and the broc gratin was just awful. The turkey was so juicy, I had to move it to a new plate to not ruin the other side dishes I had plated. The rolls were perfectly cooked and the butter melted flawlessly on either side. The potatoes au gratin ended up being the pièce de résistance of the meal and I gave it a vibe score of 12/10.
I was running on empty from not taking a break or a nap, that I had to walk away and lay down on the couch. My legs and feet were killing me at this point. After a 15 minute rest break, I finished my food. Unfortunately, the turkey thigh was nothing to write home about. It was the least exciting thing to report on.
I had been washing my dishes throughout the day so I didn’t have a lot to clean up after dinner. I finally completed the prep for the dutch apple pie and topped it with two flamingo cut out of the salvaged pie crust. This was a cute addition I had learned from my friend Laura, whose apple pies always had two hearts on top. I didn’t have heart cookie cutters, but I had flamingos!
I cut myself a tiny sliver of the pumpkin cheesecake pie and I was in awe of myself. I used only half the amount of sugar that the recipe called for and yet it still gave me the satisfaction of something sweet after a meal.
After I got the apple pie into the oven, I sat back down on the couch for some Animal Crossing. There were chores to be done and a Turkey Day feast to attend on La Croix. I imagined myself playing Animal Crossing for at least four hours, but after one hour, I was done with all the chores and all the things I needed to do for the Turkey Day feast. I was exhausted. I took an epsom salt bath while my apple pie cooled on the counter. I couldn’t wait to try a piece after my bath. I had been excited for the apple pie all week long. I had been dreaming of every sweet bite in anticipation.
Once I was dressed again, I took one look at the apple pie and made a verbal promise that I would enjoy it more the next day than if I tried to eat some right then. I told it that I was just too tired to lift a fork to my mouth.
In my best attempts to be a good (non) host, I put out some fancy Christmas candy for my (non-existing) guests. I was actually thrilled that I didn’t have to offer to make coffee for anyone for their drive home. All I have are espresso k-cup pods and cold brew in the fridge. I was also relieved that I didn’t have to ask anyone to leave because it was almost 9pm and coming up on my bedtime.
I did the last of my dishes and put all my leftovers away. I hopped back onto Animal Crossing for a few minutes to enjoy watching my neighbors dancing around with empty plates wearing jaunty fedoras in the plaza.
I’m pretty sure that I was in bed by 10:30pm and didn’t wake up until 7am the next day.
Spending the day alone was not ideal but I made it my own and it worked. More than anything, I wish I could have hugged my family. I am proud of myself for not having any sort of breakdown throughout the day due to the last minute changes I had to make in my meal preparation or the fact that I was alone. I love the photos that my dogs humored me to take with them.
I ate what I wanted and no one judged me for the amount of GBC I made for one person, or that I threw more than half that turkey thigh away. I didn’t have to drive home after a big meal, and in fact, I don’t even consider that I ate a big meal. I had one serving of everything (lets trade the double scoop of GBC for ½ the turkey in our minds). No one was there to guilt me for what was or what wasn’t on my plate.
Key takeaways from Thanksgiving 2020:
- Mix the breadcrumbs into the GBC mix before I pop it in the oven, and add a tiny bit of salt.
- Don’t buy the broccoli/cauliflower au gratin.
- Buy all the potatoes au gratin; so worth the $5 compared to how long it takes to prepare from scratch.
- Roll with the punches. Next time I prepare a meal for others (in 2023, maybe?), I will remember how much I enjoyed pivoting when I was faced with minor interruptions.
- I still miss hugs.
